Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I look to you

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances: for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Well this verse took on a whole new meaning the last 2 weeks.   
We got an unexpected call from Deaconess about a sweet baby girl who was born at 34 weeks and in NICU at the local hospital.  She was needing a forever family- and since we had never told our agency we were or were not planning to adopt again, they felt like the Lord laid our names on their they called to see if we would be open to meeting her birthmother. 

A little back story, we had recently joined and began mentoring  a new adoption small group at our church.  We had begun a Bible Study titled Circle Maker.  In a nut shell, it's 21 days of intense and intentional prayer about very specific things in your life.  Among a few other things, praying how God would use our family thru adoption was our biggest "thing" we were praying about.  Did God want us to adopt again, maybe foster, or what??? John & I had both begun to feel a tugging but not sure what it really meant- so this Bible study and our new friends came at a perfect time.  We knew our adoption agency was swamped and in need for more adoptive families but we told them we were praying about it and would touch base in "21 days"  Well literally a few days later is when we got "the call" ~ I think we knew what God was telling us :)

So we agreed to meet the birthmom, "B." And just like all of our other birthmoms, we instantly fell in love with her.  She is such a sweet and gentle spirit who loves the Lord and wanted to make the best decision for her new child.  After meeting us, she had complete peace for the 1st time in months.  So she agreed to place sweet baby girl with us. Literally we left the office and went straight to the hospital to pick up "Naomi A.  Rose" She was perfect in every single way.  Just like a rose, she was delicate and beautiful. 
The next week was really kind of a blur.  "B" continued to struggle with her decision and was torn.  But we believed with all of our hearts, and still do, that God had a very special plan in this journey and that regardless of what "B" decided we would see the goodness of The Lord.
The kids fell in love with her FAST!! Because we knew it was a high risk placement we choose to tell them we were only keeping her for a few days and we needed to pray for her and for her birthmom. Turner loved to feed her and Lydia loved to burp her.  She was a tiny little bundle of joy weighing less than 6 pounds but was gaining weight very fast as she loved her formula.  My work was amazing and again I am so blessed to work with such wonderful people that picked up my slack so  I could  focus and love on this little angel for as long as we had her. 

A week after we picked her up from NICU we got another call that "B" had changed her mind and 2 hours later we were handing her back to her forever mommy.  Heartbroken, hurt, discouraged, angry, confused, raw, and overwhelmed BUT prayerful is how I felt that day and the days following.  
A sweet adoption friend, who has faced more set backs this year than anyone else I have ever known, sent me this link -and it has turned my tears into JOY and my discouragement into HOPE 
  I had been dreading yesterday since it marked a week since we held sweet Naomi.  To my surprise it was a really good day.  God filled my heart, soul and mind with such peace. All day long dear friends sent me sweet emails, encouraging texts, and heart felt phone calls.  I even mustered up the courage to find a rose charm in honor of her to put on my necklace (see the above picture).  Then last night John & I had a date night aka cooking class.  We had this class planned for months, but I believe God had orchestrated it all along. 
So now what?  That's the million dollar question.  We are clinging to the truth that this heart ache is going to make us stronger, kinder, more compassionate, and faithful.  While I may never fully understand why we were chosen to experience this painful journey I do believe with all my heart that  I serve a mighty God who  loves me more than I can ever imagine.
"The Lord my God in the midst of me is mighty.  He will save, He will rejoice over me with joy, He will rest in His love for me, and He will joy over me with singing"
Zephaniah 3:17


mckenziegordon said...

You're so awesome and I'm so thankful for you and your heart!

Catherine said...

Praying for you all. Your faith is amazing, and you are an example to us all. Sending my love!