Whew...what an emotional roller coaster this past week has been. With heavy hearts, we returned Braxton to his birth mother's arms 10 days after he was born. It's amazing how 10 days changed our lives forever. We said goodbye to Braxton with love and grace in our hearts not only for him but for "M" It is hard to comprehend the love we have for both of them...no I am not mad or bitter at M for changing her mind...heartbroken- yes- but not angry. I truly believe she loves Braxton with all her being and she will be the best mother she knows how to be. Our agency will continue counseling her....isn't that awesome...they truly care about what is best for these kids, regardless if their birth families place or not, they want to give the parent's all the tools needed to raise a child in a healthy environment. I did text M on Saturday to check on Braxton and she said he was a perfect little angel...eating & sleeping very well...and even gave a "gas smile" when she told him I loved him. I am hoping to meet up with her in the next few weeks at the zoo for a play date. I really think that will help my healing....it would be easy to forget and turn our backs on her but that's not what we are called to do. We want to continue to show her the love of Christ.
On Friday afternoon, I was determined to find a locket...and this was perfect....3 hearts: John, Turner & Braxton. Thank you God for allowing our paths to cross with M's. Our lives will forever be blessed and never the same!So when we were dropping Braxton off on Friday at the agency, this song by Josh Wilson came on...I've heard it many of times, but never really "listened" to it...It is now my new anthem!
Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see
Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling, it's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture
My favorite part that hits home is
"the pain you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming"
That hope and prayer has gotten us thru the last few days....God has a plan in all of this heart ache...and we better hold on, because it's going to be AWESOME!!
So we've went to the zoo 3 times in 5 days!! Getting our money's worth for sure
Turner loves to sit in the grass and "hide" He is my jungle boy for sure!
Turner has discovered flavor ice and loves it!!Thank you to all of our sweet family and friends for lifting us up in prayer the past 2 weeks...we have certainly felt God's presence and hands holding us through this entire journey. On Wednesday, I woke up with overwhelming peace in my heart...I knew something felt different but couldn't pin point it. After everything unfolded on Friday...I was reflecting back to Wednesday and how I felt....it dawned on me that God was guarding my heart....don't get me wrong...I still loved Braxton with all I had in me...but I do believe God was preparing me for what was about to happen. Isn't our God mighty...he met me where I was at, knowing all along the outcome of this journey
