3 hearts that will never be the same

Whew...what an emotional roller coaster this past week has been. With heavy hearts, we returned Braxton to his birth mother's arms 10 days after he was born. It's amazing how 10 days changed our lives forever. We said goodbye to Braxton with love and grace in our hearts not only for him but for "M" It is hard to comprehend the love we have for both of them...no I am not mad or bitter at M for changing her mind...heartbroken- yes- but not angry. I truly believe she loves Braxton with all her being and she will be the best mother she knows how to be. Our agency will continue counseling her....isn't that awesome...they truly care about what is best for these kids, regardless if their birth families place or not, they want to give the parent's all the tools needed to raise a child in a healthy environment. I did text M on Saturday to check on Braxton and she said he was a perfect little angel...eating & sleeping very well...and even gave a "gas smile" when she told him I loved him. I am hoping to meet up with her in the next few weeks at the zoo for a play date. I really think that will help my healing....it would be easy to forget and turn our backs on her but that's not what we are called to do. We want to continue to show her the love of Christ.

On Friday afternoon, I was determined to find a locket...and this was perfect....3 hearts: John, Turner & Braxton. Thank you God for allowing our paths to cross with M's. Our lives will forever be blessed and never the same!

So when we were dropping Braxton off on Friday at the agency, this song by Josh Wilson came on...I've heard it many of times, but never really "listened" to it...It is now my new anthem!

Do you wonder why you have to,

feel the things that hurt you,

if there's a God who loves you,

where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see

and all those things are happening

to bring a better ending

some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,

that you still have a reason to sing,

'cause the pain you've been feeling,

can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light

press on, just fight the good fight

because the pain you've been feeling, it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends

and you know where you're going,

you just don't know how you get there

so just say a prayer.

and hold on, cause there's good who love God,

life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,

but you'll see the bigger picture

My favorite part that hits home is

"the pain you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming"

That hope and prayer has gotten us thru the last few days....God has a plan in all of this heart ache...and we better hold on, because it's going to be AWESOME!!

So we've went to the zoo 3 times in 5 days!! Getting our money's worth for sure

Turner loves to sit in the grass and "hide" He is my jungle boy for sure!

Turner has discovered flavor ice and loves it!!

Thank you to all of our sweet family and friends for lifting us up in prayer the past 2 weeks...we have certainly felt God's presence and hands holding us through this entire journey. On Wednesday, I woke up with overwhelming peace in my heart...I knew something felt different but couldn't pin point it. After everything unfolded on Friday...I was reflecting back to Wednesday and how I felt....it dawned on me that God was guarding my heart....don't get me wrong...I still loved Braxton with all I had in me...but I do believe God was preparing me for what was about to happen. Isn't our God mighty...he met me where I was at, knowing all along the outcome of this journey

Peace fills my soul

It's hard to believe that a nearly a week has passed since our precious little Braxton came into this world. It's been such an amazing week with this little guy..he brings so much joy to our family. Please continue to lift up "M" in your prayers as her heart is aching. We pray she will have complete peace and feel God's presence like we have today and all the days ahead. John & I are so very thankful God brought her and her family into our lives....we will forever be blessed and never the same.

Braxton has beautiful blue eyes just like "M"

Turner has provided some much needed comical relief for us over the last few days...he decided it would be fun to get into the baby powder!

Me and my boys! This is such an incredible feeling!

Papa decided Turner needed a power drill and tools just like him...Turner was lovin it...goggles and all!

Pure sweetness

So Lexus decided to sleep under Braxton's bed to "protect" him..she did the same thing with Turner. Turner and Lolly thought it was pretty funny!

BFF already!

Such a good big brother! Turner loves to hold, burp, rock and feed Braxton.

Cousin Reese came by to visit and play with us on Saturday...it was adorable, her and Turner played follow the leader all around the house!

Pops and Turner waking up from nap time

Yes the matching outfits have begun!

Both of Turner's Great Grandma's

I love this one...just so peaceful...wonder what he's dreaming about

Braxton Jude is here!!

Braxton Jude Satterfield was born at 5:10 am June 8. He weighed 6 lbs and 13 oz and was 19 inches long...perfect in every way. Blonde hair and blue eyes

A family of four now!! We were so excited to bring Turner to meet his little brother. He absolutely feel in love with him, saying mine and baby over and over again. He gave him many kisses, brought him a toy dog, and even helped me feed Braxton! For all that know me..this has been one of my biggest fears was how Turner was going to take it all in. But Aunt CC said he woke up this morning running around the house saying baby baby...so I think he is going to be just fine!!
So in love with my boys..can't you see that little sparkle in Turner's eyes

Such sweet lips and a little button nose!

Aunt CC jumped in the car on Monday evening and headed our way to keep Turner while Braxton was being born..it's so awesome to have such a wonderful sister that I didn't have to worry one bit about Turner because I knew he was having a blast with Crystal. Sis-I LOVE you so much more than words can ever describe!!! You've been my life savor.

Proud grandma and grandpa Satterfield. M has been such a tropper letting everyone come up to see our little Braxton. Can you tell they are beaming with pride?

After Braxton's bath time! Is he not just a little angel.

I am going to devote an entire blog to this incredible women....but not today...I'm going to make you wait. All I can say is I am HUMBLED to my knees at this women's love for Braxton and us. I have no doubt God is going to bless her and her precious family abundantly. Speaking of her family...I'll post pictures later too..but let me tell you they are AMAZING! I feel like we have known them for years...we are all so excited to be extending our families. Her mom and sister are incredible!

Blessed beyond belief


I can't wait to share what the last few days have been like for us...but I am sitting in the hospital and will update in a few days...it's fair to say this was a million times more amazing than I ever dreamed of. There are lots of angels in this world, and our birthmom and adoption agency are 2 VERY BIG ones.

Summer Days!

We have been soaking up the sun the last week! Besides the winds, the weather has been amazing! This is what we woke up to this morning~

How great is our God?
Turner playing in his new pink bath water! I found these bath fizz drops at the store and he loves them! He also loves to brush those pearly whites!

My jungle man!

"Come on mom, I like playing in the dirt! I'm all BOY!"

He's up to no good!...notice the light brown/reddish spot in his hair...he thought it was funny to drop dirt on his head!

Takin a cruise on my bike! I'm too cool for school

This picture just makes me laugh! Not sure why???

For Turner's Gotcha Day, John & I gave him a sprinkler. He loves loves loves it! He could care less that the water is freezing cold!

Trying to catch some water! Ahh...it's cold!!!

Friday- we get to see "M" again...this time they will do another ultrasound so we can see our sweet little Braxton Jude! We also hope to meet up with "C" at the zoo sometime soon!

Turner is still doing very very good in his big boy bed...takes him about 30 minutes to settle down but he's sleeping through the nights like a champ! We hope to get started on Braxton's room next week so it will be ready if he decides to come early!

Happy Gotcha Day sweet Turner!!

Yesterday was Turner's Gotcha Day! I can't believe it's already been a year ago that we stood up in front of a judge and made it official that Turner was a Satterfield! What a special day we never want to forget! So to celebrate this special occasion, we took off to Arbuckle Wilderness for a day at the safari! Turner could have been in our back yard and had just as much fun...we were a little disappointed as the animals were a little aggressive as they wanted to be fed, and the living conditions were a bit depressing...and it was super duper expensive! So it doesn't get our 2 thumbs up, but it was still fun to get away and do something different!

Gotcha Day 2010

We vowed to make Turner's Gotcha Day a celebration each year, not only that he is officially a Satterfield, but a celebration of his birthmother as well! She is the reason we get to celebrate! John fixed yummy lamb with caramelized brussel sprouts and peppers, and Turner picked fish sticks, grapes, blackberries and milk! Then after dinner we had cake..notice, it's yellow cake with chocolate frosting...John's favorite!

Turner got a few small gifts to celebrate his special day...a sprinkler, a dog, and crayons for the bath tub with a tug boat! He loved them all!

Papa and Turner enjoying his Gotcha Day! I am one blessed lady to have these two boys in my life!

Here are some of the animals we saw at Arbuckle-

The baby donkey was the highlight of the safari trip!


The zebra's were the least aggressive animals!

and camels...

these bad boys were scary!!! I couldn't get my windows rolled up fast enough!

Arriving at Arbuckle Wilderness....Turner's favorite part was getting out of his car seat and riding up front with mommy & daddy!

I was out of town most of last week so on Sunday we headed to the zoo for some fun family time!! I caved in and got Turner an elephant!

Man this Oklahoma weather has been in full force already this spring. Here are some pictures I took less than 3 miles from our house! Scary....the night this happened John was on his way back from Dallas. Me, Turner and Lexus were in the storm shelter. Mercy had to stay in the closet as I could only hold 2 babies in my arms!

On the adoption front, everything is going very well. We saw "M" last Thursday at another doctors appointment! The dr. is watching her blood pressure as it's borderline high. She looks great but is starting to have quite a bit of back pain and sleepless nights. We have another appointment next Friday and we'll get to see our little guy again since they will do an ultra-sound. He is still scheduled to be born early July! We are getting so excited! This week Turner started sleeping in his big boy bed...and so far so good...we do his nightly routine: reading 3 books, prayers and then a few songs...once he gets relaxed and almost asleep I sneak out! He's actually sleeping better in his big boy bed than in his crib! Let's just hope he keeps it up! If anyone has any "helpful hints" on transitioning to a big boy bed, I'd love to hear your secrets!